Hmmmm...

I can't belive I havent posted anything here since 2007! WOW! Mental note... write more often.

Things to learn...
Databases for Websites, creating a guestbook (php), creating a blog page, making an updatable "calander" or "schedule" (that does not look tacky - (fits with page, no extra junk)), etc. etc.I'm so far behind the times its not even funny - but always room to learn! ... Helpful pointers always appreciated... *hint* *hint* :)

Uh-Oh! Better get back to work.

...

I fianlly got a personal web page up and running, well I got it started anyway. It is nothing fancy, but check it out www.ebonfever.net Hopefully its working right.

1. My brother in law has moved out. Yeah!

2. Got a new 150 gallon fish tank - gonna fill it with lots and lots and lots of little fish.

3. Got a new computer - it has Vista - it has quirks; its gonna take a little getting used to, but hopefully I figure how to work around its quirks...it seems that it does not have a lot of things it is currently compatable with (I suppose that is to be expected) - I don't have a lot of needs in this area yet (which is good), except a decent ftp client, (it has quirks doing it via explorer - sometimes working, sometimes not) but I'm sure I come up with something soon...suggestions?

My brother in law has lived with us for several years now, since he got divorsed. The original deal was that he could move in for a whort while while he got back on his feet, but he needed to be doing things to move forward in his life.

Yeah right!

3 or 4 years later, he is DEEPER in dept, will collecters coming after him (mind you he has lived here rent free for all this time); he now owns THREE cars all of which are not running, one which sits in my driveway; and he has a child with a women whome he CAN'T seem to get along with for any length of time.

Way to fucking go!

Now living here rent free, with ME giving him a ride to work every morning at a WIDE VARITY of hours ranging from 3:00 A.M. to 8:00 A.M...and picking him up more often than not....let me tell you how much I love this. He OCCASIONALLY puts gas in the car - IF I ask for it.

Yeah...gotta start writing a little more again...been awhile...

Anyway, the Dream...

I was at a high-school, I do not remember exactly why. But later they had a peice of art, a horse sculptue that I did when I was in high-school, and I wanted to find it and buy it back. As I as walking down the sidewalk, lots of trees on either side, at some point I was instead of searching for my sculpture, I was fleeing from someone who wanted to kill me. Now is wasn't the kind of fear from a truly horrifying dream, but none-the-less when someone wants to kill you it isn't overly nice. One of the teachers from the school tried to help me, and took me to an internal well secured room of some sort. Felt like I was locked in some sort of vault. It even had some warning flares that we set off.

I remember yet another dream (and as always they are bizzare) so I figured I better document it...dreams are fun so Welcome to theme Restaurant Torture...

We were at a western lodge style restaurant, a large open area, long wood tables, a bear and an elk head mounted on the wall, a tall stone chimney with a fire off to the side. My father came to visit us in Colorado, during a work related get together. He brought along a frined, shoulder length blond hair (reminded me of some famous person but I can't place it). As we were waiting for our food, the tables became mechanized, large blades, about half the size of my body, came from both walls, sets for each set of tabels, and came at us - as if to cut us apart. Instead they had built in devices so that it was just illusionistic and the 'blades' just glided over our legs and proceded on to the next person. After that the table lifted up and restraining braces came and bonded around one of our arms and one of our legs and lifted us up so that we were all hanging by our limbs - happily awaiting our food to arrive.

So now I get to play in a recital for my cello lessons on Jan. 20th. Bah. Shathem and my cello teacher ganged up on me. Bah. My instructor assured me that he would rake me over the coals for the song. We. Shall. See. I just don't see these things the way I should. Shathem was asking "do you have stage fright?" No. Eric asked "Do you think it is too easy?" and while related that is not exactly the problem either.

The actual level of the material is not really important - hell at this point I am planning on putting much simpler stuff on stage with the metal band (still between names). For the recital the actual level is not so important as I want to play something that I have to bust my ass to get. For me the recital is (or at least for me should be) a celebration of accomplishment, a real accomplishment, something I have to put in a little extra effort to suceed at. Taking time to practice the same-ole-stuff is not something I have any desire to celebrate.

What is there to say...

I have a cello, once upon a time it had a soft case, two dogs - three kids - and two adults later - it got broken, I had to get it repaired.
We get my daughter a cello, for her to take lessons in school. It has a soft case. My new hardshell case (for my own cello - having learned(?) a lesson) is very heavy. So stupidly enough we walk out with the new cello for Ky and a soft case.

Can I blame the dogs...no.
Can I blame the kids...no.
Can I blame my husband...no.
Can I blame the other kids at Ky's school...no.

Who breaks the cello? I do. I put it in the the trunk of my car to bring it home from the sitters after school and work - I miss the Ooooohhh so obvious 'arms' on the trunk hood - and I smash in the side of the cello. Only one word enters one's mind the lovely sound of wood cracking and crunching..."FUCK!"

It is that time of year once again, where my husband morphs into a christmas monster. You might wonder if he accidently got on the wrong life train becasue he should have been one of Santa's elfs.

Too look upon he might be thought of as 10 miles of bad road. Not that he acts that way or anything - I don't think I could've done better - but as christmas rolls in he morphs:

We are driving around on Friday - picking up some gifts for my daughters birthday; and he changes the radio to FM-100 very deliberalty so that all the christmas music is available - he is singing along every-last-word-memorized to the tunes. The next phase (as it happens every year) is all the TV christmas specials (the oldies rouldolf, frosty, etc.) - we will watch every last one of them at least once...twice...maybe even thrice...to appease the Xmas morph. He will sing and dance and prance around - often dragging my unwilling ass along with him, in his bubbly fluff of x-mas spirit.

So, my mother is in town - she will be here through Thanksgiving. As Brett would point out, I always become more stressed when I visit her or visa-versa. I love her very much, and as I've said before, some of the best qualities in myself I learned from her. I am definalty a better person for having her in my life.

I feel very distant from her right now. And I know she senses it...and I know it hurts her right now. In that I feel bad.

I was thinking on this as I was driving to work, and the thought passed my mind; "Every time I let her close - I get hurt..." It came from no-where really, but none-the-less I think it hits a core spot in myself, and my feelings about my mother. I WILL get hurt. It is not a matter of choice (technically it is but I am weak - and I will open myself up for pain with her again). With that said, I don't think I have ever gotten over her ability to just up and dissappear under the umberella of "I'm taking care of myself now", without any consideration for those whom are hurt in her wake.